Preparing a Child for a New Sibling: Truth Over Transactions

Bringing a new baby into the family is both exciting and challenging. One key question that often arises is: how do we help an older child prepare for a sibling?

Some well-meaning friends once shared a creative idea. Every week, they bought small gifts and told their child, “Your little sibling bought this for you.” The aim was to build goodwill toward the baby even before birth. At first, it seemed to work. The older child looked forward to these “gifts from baby,” believing a generous sibling was on the way.

Yet a few months in, the strategy fell flat. The excitement faded. Tantrums about “throwing the baby away” began. That experience revealed something deeper about how children—and parents—think about love and relationships.

Why Transactional Strategies Fall Short

This gift-based method taught a subtle but powerful lesson: you like someone if they give you things. Without realizing it, parents can train children to measure love by what they receive.

When the new baby eventually arrives and stops “giving,” the logic crumbles. The relationship feels disappointing, and frustration sets in. What began as a well-intentioned plan risks shaping a lifelong, transactional mindset—one that equates worth with gifts or performance.

A Better Path: Simple Truth and Gradual Adjustment

Instead of inventing fictions, parents can prepare their child by telling the truth gently and consistently:

• Name the coming change

Read picture books about becoming an older sibling. Talk openly about the baby, using simple, honest words.

• Practice limited attention

Let the child know that sometimes Daddy or Mommy must attend to other things—work, chores, quiet time. This helps them learn that time is a limited resource and prepares them to share attention later.

• Spend time with larger families

Visiting homes with more than one child can normalize the idea of sharing toys and parents’ attention.

These small, repeated conversations help the older child adjust to reality, not fantasy.

The Gospel and the Deeper Hope

Christian faith gives an even firmer foundation for sibling preparation. The gospel is anchored in truth. God calls parents to honesty, not make-believe, because real love does not need disguises.

And it speaks to the child’s heart as well. Yes, parents will be busy. Yes, there will be moments of loneliness. But Jesus promises, “I am with you always.” In Him, every child—and every parent—has a constant, perfect love that no schedule can take away.

Conclusion: Shaping Hearts for Lasting Love

Preparing a child for a new sibling is more than a parenting technique. It’s a chance to shape how they understand love and relationship. Strategies built on gifts or fantasy may offer quick results but teach shallow lessons.

By telling the truth, modeling patient sharing, and pointing to Christ’s unchanging presence, parents can guide their children toward a deeper security. The gospel frees us from transactional thinking and reminds us that real love, like God’s love, is steadfast—whether or not there is a present in hand.