A friend shared how his 3-year-old said, “I want to throw my baby sister away!” 😳 I get it—new sibling, big feelings. His first instinct? “Don’t say that!”
But that only shut her down. I felt the tension too. What would I do? Quick fixes—extra hugs, treats—don’t reach the heart. 😔
God reminded me: love isn’t measured by minutes. Only Jesus gives perfect, unchanging love. 💛 We talked about naming feelings and pointing her to His love instead of just silencing words.
Parenting isn’t just behavior management. It’s guiding hearts to Jesus. Read more on my blog.
It was a parenting conversation that stayed with me. A young father once shared how his three-year-old daughter had just gained a baby sister. One day, the little girl blurted out, “I want to throw Mei Mei away.”
Many parents would instinctively correct the child: “You can’t say that. Your sister loves you too.” That was exactly what this father did. It sounded right and loving, but I couldn’t help wondering if something deeper was left unaddressed.
Listening Beneath the Words
I asked what he thought his daughter was really trying to say. He guessed—quite accurately—that she probably felt she was getting less time with Mum and Dad now that the baby had arrived.
That hunch rang true. But if the heart of the issue is a sense of being unseen or displaced, does simply reminding her that her sister “loves her too” speak to that longing? Perhaps not.
In fact, when a child blurts out something like “I want to throw my sister away” and we reply, “Don’t say such things,” we may send an unintended message: it’s wrong to share how you feel. The child is simply expressing a deep sadness or jealousy but lacks the words to name it. If each attempt to voice an uncomfortable feeling is met with correction, she may learn to stay silent rather than to be honest.
Address the Feeling Behind the Words
That is why it is so important to address the feeling behind the words. We can empathise first and then guide the child toward better language. For example, “I can see you’re feeling jealous. You can tell Mommy, ‘I feel jealous now,’ instead of saying you want to throw Mei Mei away.”
Teaching this emotional vocabulary is more than politeness—it equips the child to express hurt and jealousy in a healthy way. Instead of merely forbidding a phrase, we help her discover the words that accurately reflect her heart.
Two Steps for Parents
I suggested two simple but weighty steps that day:
- Name the feeling.
- Teach the reality of limited time—without reducing love.
“I can see you’re feeling sad. It must hurt when Daddy and Mommy have less time with you.”
Empathising validates her emotions instead of dismissing them and helps her learn the right words to match her inner world.
“Because we now care for Mei Mei, our time is shared. But our love for you has not changed. Love is not measured only by hours together.”
This approach helps a child separate love from mere time spent. It also prepares her, even at three years old, for the truth that life is full of trade-offs.
The father was already taking a day off to spend one-on-one time with his daughter—a thoughtful gesture. Yet I gently pointed out that this can’t be a permanent fix. As more children or responsibilities come along, he cannot always pause everything. The deeper lesson is about the nature of love itself.
Pointing to the Ultimate Source of Love
Here is where the Christian faith speaks powerfully. Scripture reminds us that this world is broken and our time is finite. Even the most loving parent cannot give undivided attention forever.
But the gospel also offers hope: “See what kind of love the Father has given to us, that we should be called children of God” (1 John 3:1). God’s love does not ebb and flow with circumstances or availability. Through Jesus Christ we are fully known, fully seen, and perfectly loved—always.
When parents point their children to this truth, they offer more than comfort for a single jealous moment. They plant in them a lifelong anchor: human love will sometimes feel stretched, but the love of Christ never will.
Conclusion
A child’s cry of “I want to throw my sister away” is not merely misbehavior. It is often a window into a heart longing for assurance. By naming those feelings, giving them words, explaining the limits of time, and most importantly pointing to the limitless love of Jesus, we help our children grow from self-centeredness toward a deeper security.
The gospel frees both parent and child from measuring love by minutes. It reshapes our thinking: our worth and belovedness do not rise or fall with how much attention we receive, but rest securely in the perfect, unchanging love of Christ.